I’m tired of feeling inadequate. I’m tired of feeling nothing goes my way cuz you know, it isn’t all bad. Eventually, I’ll get the basket and bike stand for the damn bike. Eventually I’ll drive. Eventually I will get a good job. Eventually I won’t feel physically unattractive. I won’t be fat. Eventually I’ll be on a good diet, good friends group; perfect soul mate. Just a good life and have accomplished everything.
But sadly that won’t come easily. As we all know. But we also know that I deserve it. As entitled as that may sound, I definitely deserve a fucking break. I don’t know. I just can’t wait for it to be Friday because then I won’t have to work anymore this week. I would have been done with all the English bullshit, and I can just finally like not stress too much about anything.
That is before Monday. That’s when I have three shifts next week. I’m really happy with this transcription app. It is somewhat of a bitch to go back and edit, but that beats the maybe hour or maybe even three hours I spend trying to focus on writing something. It’s for that reason that it was hard for me to do this kind of thing daily. Now, I think with this kind of deal I can definitely do daily.
So I think that we really good for this blog for me to do that. Get some people interested. Yeah, I still have a shit ton of English stuff to do and I’m putting it off because of course A. I can and B. because I just don’t want to do all of it. Also. I know as soon as I get back on campus, my friend has allowed me to read her papers so I can know where to go. Also half of the things I have to do are easy the other half I need to do the easy half first.
I don’t know. That’s a lot. There’s a lot of me wasting time and wasting money. But of course, like I said, not all bad. Just can’t wait for it to be my birthday. Hopefully I’ll be skinny. I have decided that I will probably get a gym membership for next week and actually go to the gym again. Hopefully my experience won’t be ruined by the corona limiting everything.
I’ll be going early in the morning like five or something something around there. So that work won’t get in the way and so that I hadn’t strictly focus on it. It’s something I wanted to do and honestly, I’m much happier doing it that early in the morning as opposed to last year where I’d have to wake up around. Six just to get on the bus just to get there at like 8:00 and have to wait until 9 for it to fucking open up. And that’s without weekends. They didn’t stay open for weekends.
I’m talking about my campus gym, of course, I forgot to mention. I’m not sure what I’m gonna do though. This week kind of sucks for me because they only scheduled me for eight hours. And as I learned from last week doing 30 hours within a two week time span doesn’t get you jack shit. So doing even less is going to be a hit that I I don’t think I can fully afford.
I requested to cover someone else to shift next week which one therefore gives me I think 16 hours. Which would get me up to 24 total for this two-week period, but I’m still afraid that’s not going to be enough.
I’m reading a fanfiction again. It’s nice. And I think I’m slowly getting into the spirit of writing. I might even use this app to help me, write for the fanfiction. There’s this problem. I’ve been coming across with the fan fiction writing process is that I’ve stumbled upon another ship that I like that I didn’t think about ever before that. I’m imagining more graphic content for that than I am for the main couple that the entire Fanfic was about and it’s weird.
I feel like I either am going to have to tone down what I want for that couple or fucking outrageously boost the main couple to graphic levels that I did want for the first fan fiction. I’m not sure if I wanted it to be rated for teens strictly, but I don’t think I fully wanted it to just involve sex. That’s not me. It’s not how I imagined romance or anything. Call me idealistic. I don’t care.
I work at 6:00. It’s 12:13 now. I think I like doing these daily things. I’m starting to brush my teeth again. So I think I’m getting back into the habit of doing daily shit, which is going to be needed for next week when I go back to the gym. But also the gym will enhance me doing daily stuff and maintaining a routine, which is something I desperately need.
I forgot to mention yesterday that we went to the store and I got some body wash finally. It was some generic Softsoap bullshit, but honestly, I definitely needed it in order to like really want to go in the shower. I need to start taking care of myself. Sadly they don’t sell the soap I was looking for the Kroger that we go to as a family. They didn’t have the stuff that I wanted and it’s a shampoo that my stepmother recommended, Sea Breeze.
She says that my father doesn’t have dandruff or scalp psoriasis. Like we saw it like he told me and himself for longest time. Apparently, we both have dermatitis, which is something else and apparently see. This was helping my dad a lot and he won’t let it go now. So I definitely wanted to try it, but sadly didn’t have it at the stores I’ve went to since being told about it.
I know it’s a miniscule detail something that you probably don’t care about, but it was something disappointing just to add on to the damn bike. Which I probably won’t even be able to use until I get that fucking basket. I’m going to have to probably, as soon as I get paid, go all the way back to the bike shop just to get the basket and bike stand. And if possible/ if I can afford it, a new seat.
Also, and I’m not sure if I brought up that I donated plasma in one of my other posts but I donated plasma and the first two times you get $100 each and I was supposed to go Sunday, but my friend who took me there Jonah t He wanted to go that day too. And that’s why he was going to bring me but he felt like shit when he woke up. I’m gonna nag him at some point to take me. So he can at least get his bonus, and I’ll have $200.
Anyways, I think I have enough content for one post. So I’m going to stop the recording. Thanks for listening.