Fantasy Diary

“Arien, are you busy right now?”

“No, whatsup?”

“Well I just binge-watched Rick and Morty so I could get your references, and I’m feeling like having a talk about existentialism now.”

“And you’re asking me, because I watched Rick and Morty?”

“Well that AND because I feel like you’re the only one I can really talk to about this. There’s no reason to actually have this discussion, and I feel like if I had tried to have this conversation with anyone else, it just wouldn’t work. They’d try to act smarter than me, and dominate the conversation. They’d be too stupid to actually hold the conversation. They’d be on the other side of the discussion, turning a simple question of who and what we are into a 4 hour long argument. Or, I’d be trapping them into a conversation about life that they didn’t want or need to have, or might not even capable of having. And realistically, with most people I can think of, it would be all of the above, or at least 2 of the above. To the point where I feel that I can’t have the conversation of substance that I’m capable of having because I’m dumbing myself down to meet other people’s expectations or wants or their feelings on it. It just all gets a little too complex. And you’re the only one I can really trust to have a full discussion with about anything. I feel like you’re the only one who truly gets me.”

“……Yeah.”

“Is it just me? I mean, people like you, and talk to you; they’ve always, in a way, preferred you, I guess… Do they talk to you about more serious stuff? Do people just think I’m not capable of actually taking anything seriously? I feel like I can’t trust anyone anymore and I don’t even know who to complain to.”

“I wouldn’t say they so much prefer me as opposed to I’m somewhat more open. I mean you said it yourself, you just don’t trust them. You’re smart enough to know that as dumb as you see them, you’re around very smart people. Some just as or even smarter than you. And I’ve known you long enough to know that you don’t open up to people that don’t see you as a person. I also know that you don’t open up to people you can’t trust. You may see everyone around you as different than you, but realistically, we’re all depressed about what’s going on right now, none of us know how to communicate it, we’re all fucking idiots, and we’re all scared.”

“Well that kinda surprises me that you’d say that, you never really seemed to be one for pessimism. I’d assume that you’d kinda be… I don’t even know honestly. I guess it’s finally hitting us both. It’s just I’ve always been a negative little asshole.”

“Honestly, your just more realistic.”

“Well, now that my ADHD has taken us of the original subject, I’d like to jump back into it.”

“Did we even start?”

“Let’s-”

“What do you even want to know about existentialism anyway?”

“It’s not what I want to know, it’s what I want to ask?”

“………….Well-?”

“Question, who do you identify with the most out of all of the Rick & Morty cast?”

“Well… you remember whenever Rick found Unity but couldn’t keep her, I kinda just feel so lost. Like what if I do find the one again, but they don’t want me. I don’t know, I-I don’t know if I’ll ever be happy again. I feel like the show is about Rick’s constant struggle for happiness. I guess I just related to Rick, in the garage, somewhat giving up, yet somehow pushing himself to do stuff that interests him, yet he’s still not happy. I don’t mean to ramble, but I just related to him so hard in that moment. In general, I kinda relate to all of the characters though”

“Hmm, I kinda expected… actually I don’t know what I expected. You aren’t as one-note as I see other people to be. I can see you in alot of different roles. Maybe this goes back to your point about me trusting you. I can trust you in most roles so I can talk to you about anything. Back to what the hell we were talking about though,

. . . . oh right. I can see you as a lot of the characters. Do you know who I see you as though, Arien?”

“Who?”

“I see you as Simple Rick. If you can remember the episode about police violence but they changed black and white people to Ricks and Mortys’, they had one Rick attached to a machine because he was the one Rick that could find happiness in the simple joys in his life, the other Ricks use him for his happiness and supply it as candy for the other Ricks and all that. I see myself as all of the Rick’s being me as a whole. And I’m the cynical sentient god thing that just likes to test everyone’s patience with what I can magically pull out of my ass in any given situation. I fight with myself, I kill parts of my self to satisfy other parts, I feel at war with myself, and while I do have the confidence to say that “I’ll be fine” in the future, I do still have the clarity of mind to know that I’m not happy with what or where I am in this life, and that I personally am not able to find the happiness and love that I need for myself, or that I’ll ever find it. You, however, I see you finding that happiness, and you’ll be the only one to get it. I feel like you’re just a more sensible, less obnoxious version of myself. Hence why everyone loves you so much.”

“Well that’s nice and all, except he ended up coming back to reality and dying shortly after realizing that happiness wasn’t real and he was living his life in a delusion of his own happiness. I get what you meant by it, but none of the Rick’s are truly happy realistically, so if you’re going to use happiness as a way to fit me in somebody’s character arc, you’re gonna have to try a little harder than that.”

“Well if you really wanted to use that logic to attack my opinion like that, then I guess I can reason that all of the Rick’s died with regrets that same episode and we’re all of the dead Rick’s. I guess going that extra step to one-up me when I was trying to compliment you was the right way to go with that……”

“Well I was-“

“BITCH!”

“…..”

“>_>”

……..

“Chuckling INTENSIFIES”