It wasn’t supposed to go like this, I was supposed to have at least a week of content going to you guys. My last post, the one about me dropping out of college was, I believe, the second out of what was intended to be a seven day streak for me posting. But my inconsistent schedule isn’t news so…
Winters is beating the shit out of me honestly. And looking at the 5 posts I had already recorded and ready to be edited and posted. I’m shocked to see myself struggle so much. Like I’m really only having to worry about 1.5 classes and sorority responsibilities.
And I’m still failing you guys. This will probably be the worst in terms of putting out anything. I do still intend to put the 5 posts out. Not immediately though. Pickup night is tonight. And I wanted to say something before the weekend starts.
Feel like I’m giving dad level excuses…
Big reason is because, and as many of you may be able to tell, but my energy runs like a train. And that train can get nurtured and pushed until it slowly comes to a stop, OR, it’ll just crash into something, not completely stopping it, but wiping away most of it’s momentum. It’s a fairly inconsistent pattern which makes me feel hopeless for a long time once I do stop.
I feel a train coming, and this would be the time that I ride it as far as I can. Also, while my situation, has only barely budged from where I was when I posted last time, there is still so much happening, and I can feel a shift.
For starters, I’ve definitely hit my own personal deadline for when I should physically be driving a car with a license. A lot of things surrounding that to be discussed.
Also, with school, I just let myself fall again. Which is normal for winter semester. But unlike normal, I have way waaaay waaaaaaaay less to do. I’ve just become so agitatingly lazy in terms of hobbies, responsibilities, and even just being happy.
Oh yeah, and we had a second pledgemistress election, as I predicted from the first one. Won’t go into detail about why. Only going to mention that I was fully robbed, AGAIN!
And now, I sit here, with less than an hour before we receive the news of whether we even got any girls this year. If so how many. And this is important because then we’ll have to start the first night of virtual pledging tomorrow.
Bits of Positivity
I’m just living in a strange head space right now, but there are 3 possible tidbits of good news. Since fall semester of last year, I had slowly been gaining back all of the weight I had worked so hard to lose the summer prior.
This trend continued until COVID hit, to which I had both gotten back to square one, and from there, my gradual weight gain increased dramatically. It was honestly hard to look at myself in the mirror this past year. But with the muscles I had gained from that summer shaping my body into a better frame, I’ve still maintained a good distance from the negative energy it spawned.
In a way, it’s good news to see that the weight gain, from since all the way back in 2019. Has just stopped. I have been eating differently. But I haven’t been doing much, if any exercise at all. So I have to acknowledge, that this has indeed gone my way.
Second tidbit, is that I used credit karma and I landed another credit card(not sponsored) with Discover. And after doing that, I used TurboTax to file for a return for the first time, and it gave me the news that I may have qualified for the first two stimulus checks after all. If it goes through, it will be $1,800 directly added on to my return. And because I filed that return electronically, with direct deposit, if all goes well, that refund will be in my bank account in less than a month.
Also Israel’s car is working again. I was gonna nag Vivian, but now, I can use both as a resource. It’s something I’ll go into more detail later. Right now, I’m just trying to take the good with all the bad. 2021 is shaping to just be an extension of 2020 with all the chaos and harm it’s caused people.
And I’m definitely feeling it…
I am in a fairly fortunate position right now, but it’s scary. I’m going to generally push myself into a really harsh and new realm. And I’m wondering if luck will for once be on my side.
~Thanx for listening💋~
Links:
WordPress/Blog Site: https://Monikareddiary.com
Facebook: https://facebook.com/MonikaRedDiary
Twitter: https://twitter.com/MonikaRed1
Tumblr: https://tumblr.com/blog/monika-red-diary
Fanfiction: Easy Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/~monikared
Permanent: https://www.fanfiction.net/u/13011946/