You know, I was thinking about starting this whole thing with where I left off in November, and how I struggled with all that shit. But there’s no way I’m not starting off with the late fucking Christmas, because it’s just the epitome of how I feel and where I’m going and what my mindset is.
I had already made the choice before Christmas even happened, and then my just pushed me further.
I still have to tell you guys about my new direction. I’m not going to fully blurt it out here, but I will in the next few posts. And you can probably get the hint of where I’m going with things by my tone and what I’m writing here.
I didn’t expect anything for Christmas. Maybe money, which in a way, I guess I kind of got. But winter break was already shaping up to be… not what I planned… if that makes sense.
The plan was to have Israel teach me how to drive during the break. And for me to just buy the car when I felt comfortable driving. Regardless of whether I could manage it before the end of break, it wouldn’t have taken long after for me to have enough experience, to take the drivers test.
We just didn’t really do any of that to the first few weeks of winter break happened. And on Christmas, his car broke. So we can’t do shit with that.
Which is interesting and unlucky for me.
Instead of $400 in cash, like I was expecting, they just gave me a fake gift certificate to whichever driving school I wanted for $400, which definitely wasn’t bad. But it confused me when I got it.
I was confused because I was certain that I didn’t need to do driving lessons or any of that to get the license past age 18. I just needed to be taught behind the wheel shit and practice and then just go in and take the test.
They bought me a driving book. And they also got me a flat iron so I can just straighten my hair. This was also lucky because I already had one, but the one I was using beforehand literally died right before I could go celebrate Christmas.
I got candy from my stepsister and then this somewhat of a conversation my stepmother and father forced on me. I should have prepared for it. Just seems like every time I go over to the new house, they find a way to piss me off.
Either that or they gang up on somebody else, but they definitely decided now was the time to gang up on me, about getting a new cell phone no less.
Like very off topic.
I’ve clearly made it a priority to get a car and do all that, which by the way I had gotten the money to buy a shitty cheap, like less than a $1,000, car with the insurance, and a safety cushion for whatever I else I would need. You know, just a few hundred for if I needed something else.
And my stepmother was pressuring me about damn cell phone bills and insurance, which I forgot to mention because apparently dad didn’t fucking talk to her about it.
I had already told Dad that I was planning on buying the car myself and I just needed to know like their insurance information because apparently he had an add-on with his insurance that I could get it cheaper under a family plan.
I don’t know it was confusing.
We didn’t talk too much about it. And obviously he didn’t talk to my stepmother about it. But you know, she was talking about getting insurance for the car and getting a new phone, which I’m not fully sure if I brought it up way back when I did the estranged stepmother post.
Long story short, my six-year-old fucking LG phone was breaking and not charging and I possibly needed a new phone then and there. I never asked them to do it, I just told them that there would be points I couldn’t respond to messages because that phone would be dead for multiple days at a time.
They were talking about getting me a new phone and they just never did it.
And now she wants to bring it back up.
This is the point where she just wants to bring up that I should just buy a new one and get a plan and build equity. But my focus isn’t the damn phone anymore. The fact that she even brought it up, was lowkey to distract.
That was like it was definitely over half a year ago that this was an issue. Like around the time the pandemic started kinda old.
Regardless of what I did from then to now, if I stopped asking about it for like 7 months, WHY would you still think it was an issue? And that’s what I’m getting at, they both probably just felt guilty about not doing it, and wanted to blame me on a way, after they had said a couple of times that they were just gonna get me one.
If you think all this rage is because I feel entitled to a new phone or that I was even thinking about it, let me remind you that I never even asked for a new one, they just complained that I needed to communicate with them(because of COVID and everything). And they promised they’d get me one.
For long time readers, you know I can hold pointless grudges, sometimes carrying a list of issues I have with particular people in the back of my mind. But I PROMISE, I totally forgot that even happened, because at the time COVID was happening and I had a lot of other things to worry about.
I don’t know. It was just overly stupid and and as it turns out she didn’t realize that my father was fucking paying for the plan.
She just assumed I was for some fucking reason. She just assumed I had money to do that. That a phone given to me during highschool was fully just in my name.
Honestly, both of them are like half idiots and they just are bad at communicating with me. And also I had to break the news to them that I definitely couldn’t graduate on time.
I definitely can’t at this point and she was like, oh, well, we were expecting to get you out of here by 2022. And I’m like, yeah, but also like you haven’t really talked to me about any of this.
I don’t know they’ve been subconsciously pushing me out. I definitely made posts about it and I was super pissed off when the pandemic started when they bought the damn house without a room for me to send a very clear message that they didn’t want me around. They want to be away, at a distance from them, so that they can nag me to come visit them.
They’re both that type of crazy, like people that haven’t done crazy shit yet, but are clearly trying to instigate shit?
It’s weird.
They’re both fucking Libras and honestly, it’s weird.
It’s a lot, and this definitely pushed my decision a lot further and I had to go fully off the edge with it.
I don’t know and now I’m feeling like I’m planning an entire coup.
That’s a reference the riots at the Capitol on the sixth that happened.
But you know, that’s another post.
I’m gonna make posts specifically for politics. I’m not going to I might mention it here. Posts that are specifically about politics should stay within that realm because I don’t feel like having these damn Trump supporters under my comments like they were when I made my rant about Dad… which was… that was something else. I don’t even… that was so stupid.
I’m pretty sure she deleted her account because I’m pretty sure I didn’t delete the comments. I don’t know what happened to those. If I were to delete them, I would have screen shot at them first, but you know…
I don’t know…
It might also just be Facebook like wiping bots off their site.
She wasn’t a full like not, but like part of me definitely had a feeling she wasn’t a real person after I saw her name was different like a week after argument.
That’s a whole other situation to unpack tbh.
Like I said, I should mention that in a different post.
But yeah, that’s Christmas.
And just like most of the times when we drive back home, I’m just in silence. And dad’s asking me if I’m okay because he knows somehow some way. It never ceases to amaze me how they like poke and prod and annoy and then have the audacity they didn’t do what they do that. They are just those types of people, like instigators that don’t want to act like they’re irrational.
And this isn’t really from Christmas. I think this is either very soon before or right after Christmas. But like I had a conversation with Dad. We were getting groceries with my sister and we were talking about getting the car. I think this is the conversation where I was talking to him about me fully planning on buying it.
He was just like “now me and your mother need to make sure you’re a straight arrow and keep a straight path.”
I’m like what the fuck is wrong with you?
I don’t know.
It just generally angers me that after so many years we’re finally pushing to get me something, you know after we let the one chance.
I had at driving rot in our backyard.My mom’s car wasn’t even worth $50 by the time he had it fucking moved off the yard lot.
That after all this time we’re focusing on it now and what this is this is almost like I don’t know.
I’m just so annoyed and you know, I’m also happy.
I don’t think the next post is going to be this long, but the next post is definitely going to be about what my decision is.
So stay tuned.
It’s pretty important.