Part of the reason I had done my birthday post, when I adamantly had documented it, even if it was to post it the day after,was because there was a lot of emotions and a lot of shit happening during August and July that just kind of went undocumented. I kind of let myself go, friendships has blossomed and crumbled.
Speaking of, I was complaining about my two gay friends when I was leaving the damn house. They became two of my really good friends over the summer. I got really annoyed with Vivian. I haven’t talked to Vivian and I’m planning on hanging out with her soon. I’ve also hung out with an old friend.
There’s just been a lot of stuff that I didn’t document. What I was planning on doing was to skip July because it was just too much gone. Before my birthday, what I wanted to do was to try and go through fucking Uber eats receipts, scour my work schedule and just anything I had to figure out what exactly I had done and where I was.
And even now, while I can’t get everything, I do have power to go back and revisit some days and some nights. It’s just much harder now because realistically it’s not even the same month now, we’re in September and things are changing a lot.
I just know that I suffered a lot cuz while I gained that much weight, it was hotter than it’s ever been in terms of Summer and I’m just fat as I ever have been. And just struggling to do shit, and I also had a lack of energy to because I wasn’t eating right? I also didn’t really use VoxRec, I wasn’t that
fluent in using this recording app method. and like I said in the last post, I’m liking this new method of just getting a few out while I’m thinking while I have time and getting multiple short ones out so I can edit them across the week and do Daily Posts, but I wasn’t this fluid even I didn’t know what I wanted.
And it’s kind of painful to think about losing all that because honestly, I would have liked to have looked back on everything. I think at the very least what I was going to attempt to do was do each week of August and try to do long posts of what I can remember but that’s a problem because I just don’t want to.
I don’t even want to edit any long post even though I don’t have to write them now. Can’t even be bothered to edit them because, even without typing up the thousand words, editing takes chunks of my time to figure out. You know I’m a hard worker, but my ADHD would come into play regardless of how I feel or what I want to put my effort in.
So I would just be behind. But other than that, maybe at some point I can look back and figure out my August posts, figure out everything that happened. I’m pretty sure it’s not going to happen though. Just because I’m already feeling overwhelmed by everything and I still have much to work on and do.
I need to get things done before I fully commit to looking at the past. The worst thing I could do right now is dig myself in a hole and then dig myself a deeper hole by digging holes out of where I was… if that even makes sense metaphorically. Well, this post has gone long enough. So I’m gonna stop recording.
Thanx for listening💋