I know this isn’t the hugest form of rejection I could possibly be facing right this moment. It just struck me to where I’m still thinking about even days after.
I have this friend that I’ve known from Greek life for about 2 years. He transferred to another college, so nobody sees him that often.
Sadly he’s not the only one with that happening. But he does live close enough to our campus that visiting him honestly shouldn’t be as rare as it is.
Describing him, he’s short with a beard, everyone loves him, always makes jokes about loving/wanting to have sex with people. It’s obviously in good fun and he’s pretty funny. It’s just his weird little shtick that he does.
The very small incident:
I went to go visit him a few days ago, I ended up staying the night. And I, being someone who plays around too much, I end up jokingly doing the same shtick.
My words were, while I was laying across the living room couch,”Why don’t you just come here and take me?”
His response was, “because I don’t love you like that…”
I played it off in a way to try to make sure he understood it was a joke. “Well… I didn’t know it was like that…”
But I’m still thinking about it. This type of stuff, the slight nuance about things friends/family/strangers do/act/say around me, I analyze heavily.
Painful Rejection
And this situation reeks of very subtle rejection. He jokes like that with everyone, and people obviously joked back with him.
The fact that he somewhat felt uncomfortable enough to sit there and make it known that I’m giving him that vibe. And also to clarify that he wants no part, it was really painful to hear actually.
I know he never ‘MEANT’ for it to weirdly come across that maliciously. It’s off-putting when he’s offered a good friend of mine a handjob. He told that same friend, that of all the sex fantasies he’s had about everyone in our friend group, he was the best.
It must sound like extreme insecurity, but this is one of those times I feel like the ugly one.
‘He said the smallest thing’, ‘he wasn’t attacking you’, ‘you’re overreacting.’
Maybe I am. It’s just not something that I could easily let go of.
When I get really pretty, I just wanna know what it’s like. Not hearing unwarranted and unnecessary rejection.
The world is NOT ready for skinty Monika to come through the doors.